Thursday, April 7, 2011

the Dirtsheet, welcome to the ZOO

Fun Facts and Familiar Animals

 Rick Farrington
A crude business man, who will stab you in the back without warning. 
Enjoys smuggled cigars, blood diamonds, and cheating on his taxes.


Mr Lion:
As stated in yesterdays morning report, Mr Lion's substance abuse is no secret, 
In fact it has lead to his indefinite suspension from all Local zoos for the for seeable future, 
He is in no condition to perform before the public. 
We wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors,
as well as his battle with the personal demons that plague his career.




Mrs and Mr Duphrane

Married in early August of 2010,
 the Duphrane's marriage has already been a rocky one to say the least. 
Police are often seen at the foot of their tree on a weekly basis, 
late night domestic squabbles along with Mr Duphranes heavy drinking and infidelity have odds makers, betting on divorce before the first anniversary. 




Ralph Red Tail

A fierce striker
Was a co-conspirator in the Halloween eve assassination attempt of  Dustman,
 along with Burmese Python, Lucifer who was found diseased at the scene of the crime.
Before his trial could begin RT Ralph was found dead in his hotel room, December 2009,
No suspects have been named, but Foul Play is suspected. 

Brown Bear Rug

BBR's worst days are well behind him, 
and these days, as a rug
everything seems to be well on top of him.
Once known for attacks such as tearing his claws into my grandmother's back,
and sending her to the hospital
 where she lied to the doctors and nurses about the cause of the incident. 
BBR is now a Laid Back square yard of floor space. 

The Leprechaun

A wild transient, from the foothills of the Appalachians, 
 The Leprechaun would ride late into the night, along Americas Highways,
  most often on one wheel, and at speeds well into the triple digets.   
The Leprechaun was found near death in the early morning hours, in May of 2009,
The Leprechaun was shot in the chest, an apparent victim of a local Gang's Initiations Ritual. 
He would go on to make a full recovery, despite the bullet remaining inside.

Willie the Dog
Also known as the Houdini of Labradors, Willie is an expert escape artist, and master of illusion. 
Despite his husky build, he outwits the sharpest of human eyes, and disappears without notice.   
But before Missing Posters can be placed throughout the neighborhood, he appears from behind,
as if to say,  "You were just not looking hard enough for me!"


Mark David Allen

Star of the Documentary, Drunk in Public,  Mark has been arrested over 500 times for Alcohol related crimes.   This film will open your eyes and challenge your heart, just as his breath with challenge your stomach to a tug o' war contest, that you will undoubtedly lose.
Further reading can be found at the link below.



1 comment:

  1. I have met a few of these Willie as well almost pulled a fast one on me, the Leprechaun sat on my toilet seat unbeknown to me - spent many of dollars on bleach...

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